Husband’s carelessness

Translate from: Hidayatullah magazine, 10 edition February 2005 (page: 64-65).
There are some of husband’s carelessness that sometimes we found. These is some of them.
1. Suddenly come after leaving.
Cause a job, sometimes a husband leaving his home for a few days or even for a long time. Then the time to home arrive. Without tell his time back to his wife, he suddenly at home. This behavior does not follow the teaching of our prophet Rasulullah shallallahu alaihi wa sallam.
Jabir Radhiyallahu ‘anhu (Ra) have narrated,” we are together in a war. And when we arrive at Madinah, we want to entering our home. Rasulullah said,” wait for a while, do not enter to your house at the night until your wife get dress and beauty,’ (Tale of Muslim).
Syariah want to give an ever after love to the wife. This matter was to avoid a wife perform that could make husband has a dislike feel to his wife. For example, wife have not been dressed when she want meet her husband and that can make her beauty less and so on.
Of course on that time husbands already have miss his wife a lot cause long time no see. But his wife be in condition who are not nice to meet. It is Rasulullah’s mean that wife perform who can make her husband get unhappy feel.
So that, telling the time of the husband’s back to his wife is an important and major matter to do. This attitude showed there are connected between affection and deeply love.
2. Undressing to his wife.
Dressing is not only wife requiers , the husbands have to do it too. This is also can broke the feminism view that the teaching of islam are pressing the wife too much only because the Eve have an obligue in dressing, whereas the husband did not do the same as the wife do.
On reality a lot of husbands didn’t care about appearing, clean, and dressing habituation, except if they want to out home and go to the party. In home, husband usually get smoke and showed rumpled, beside the smell of his perspiration. So, this kind of behavior are not appreciate the wife rights. Handsome appear of the husband is a kind of wife rights as same as husband’s have right to ask for his wife to dress and adorned for him too.
Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala speak,” And the woman have the same right with her obligue in good way.” (Al-Baqarah:229). Ibnu Abbas Radhiyallahu ‘anhu (Ra) explain that clause said,” I’d really love dressing for my wife, as same as I love my wife dressing for me.’ (Interpretation Ibnu Katsir binder 1 page 238).
3. Having unjealous feel to his wife.
Jealous is the existence of the love heart. Without the jealous feel, housekeeping just like the vegetable without the salt. Jealous can growing, signed, keep care, and “up to dating” the love. But only jeoulus in the right dozis could make it nice, not more and not less.
Rasulullah said,” among other jealous feel, there are the things who have like and dislike of Allah. The jealous who Allah’s love is jealous in the confusion, and the jealous who Allah’s hate is the jealous without confusion or guess.” (Tale of Ahmad and Nasa’i).
Jealous who Allah’s love means that the jealous is in the proporsional dozis and having the should rules. But, when it has extremely out of the rules, what is more bewitch on guessing unreason, this attitude is only come from the devil’s sound.
There are some of the husbands who have bad plentiful prejudice to them wife. In the stead of them there are other husbands accidentally die of them sensitify or become invulnerable for them jealous feel for them wife. Specially for the last case, among of them indication has let their wife mixed with oher man who are not their mahram (someone’s who are not her family or her husband). And also, the wife who didn’t care of their action so that can stained their honorable and their husband and their family value. Even, there are husband that he knows about his wife fitting action (for exampel, unclosed their aurat -the part of human body who cannot look from the unmahram- in front of the public), but he –the husband- pretend don’t know about it, then his wife do not feel any sensitive.
4. Miserly to wife.
Husband’s miserly attitude showed when he usually extremely calculate on his wife expences, although there may be an important matter to his wife expences. And on that time to he is in a good money condition and having money.
The greates miserly of husband is do not care to getting a good livelihood, while he was too easy spending money for his own business with proud out to the people or for something do not urgently. For example holding a party and recreation.and when his child or his wife asking hismoney, he was extremely calculating and miserly.
Wife have a right to get a good livelihood from his husband. Livelihood in this case means as something that they can eat, drink, live, clothe, and pay for education (for the child). And of course this livelihood are agree with the husband livelihood capacity and money.
Rasulullah said,” you must to devouting in your interaction with the woman (wife) to Allah, because they are your internee that you got based on responsiblelity, and you all allowed to have sexual interact with them because of the Allah religion. They have their own rights of you for getting a livelihood as well as good.” (Tale of Muslim).
5. Careless to pray when want to have sexual interact.
It was happen because maybe the husband is careless, didn’t know, or even not care at all. This is some of the indecent, not follow the sunnah, and opening the opportunity for the devil to take position in the religion and the body when they are destiny to having childs.
Rasulullah said,” if someone want to make sexual interaction with his wife, as good if he pray before do it, like: With the name of Allah, ya Allah, keep us far from the devil and keep the devil far from our generation that you give to us. (Tale of Bukhari).
Ibnu Hajar explained,”the words of rasulullah’s that means devil do not dangerousing the child from the religion and phisichally aspect, and it doesn’t means to let disappear the disturbance that be their basic element.”
6. Taking wife’s wealth in illegal ways.
Islam admitted the right of the wife’s property. It means, the wife is haven’t any requires to using her wealth to livelihooding her family. It is different with her husband who have a responsibility to giving money or ”alive” for his family. So that, the wife have a right to her husband’s wealth. The whole of wife’s wealth become the rights of her own self, it got from her salary job or her legal heir. When the husband want to use it, so he have to take a permission from his wife

human attitude

When we are be in environment and be in social situation, sometimes we do social interact with the other people. Have you ever feel neutral to some one you interact with him without dislike or dislike feel to that man ? Does we ever let our feel free from feeling like and dislike to other people ? I think that was a hard matter to happen.
Our mind have a such mechanism who working to evaluate, building perception, colouring our opinion, and determine our behavior tendency to the people or something we meet, although that is our own self. Our perspective to everything we meet always influenced by our past memory, what we already known and by our impression of it.
It is the phenomena of attitude. Attitude is influence our perspective of everything we meet. The phenomena of attitude not only emerge hanging on the object situation we meet but also on its context of the past, now, and our hope of the future. So what is the attitude it self?
Allen, Guy, &Edgley (Azwar, 2005) said, in historically term of attitude used first by Herbert Spencer in 1862 who define it as a man mental status. In 1888 Lange using it term in the experiment field about individual respon in describing the subject set in facing unexpectedly stimulus. Accordance of Lange said that the set of individual respond called aufgabe or task attitude. So in Lange’s term, attitude not only about mentally aspect it self but it is also involved physically aspect.
In sociology, attitude is the one topic who always discuss. Although, psychology have it own way to explain about attitude. Nowadays, the term of attitude could be acceptance on the whole education world.

You may be depressed! What do you do now?

By: Mary Ellen Copeland, M.S., M.A.
When you are depressed it is often very hard to think clearly or make any decisions. It is also hard to think of anything to do to help yourself feel better. This brochure will help you take positive action in your own behalf.

Keep in Mind

1. Depression is not your fault.

2. Depression is a temporary condition.

3. You will get well. You will feel happy again.

4. The best time to address depression is now, before it gets any worse.

5. It's up to you, with the help of your supporters, to take responsibility for getting better.

See Your Doctor

Depression is serious. You need to see a general physician as soon as possible-- don't wait longer than a few days. The sooner you get treatment, the sooner you will feel better. You need an appointment with your physician for a complete physical examination to see if there is a medical condition that is causing or worsening your depression, to plan your treatment and for possible referral to a specialist. If you do not have a physician, contact a mental health organization in your area for a recommendation.

If any of the following apply to you, insist on an appointment within 24 hours or ask a friend or family member to do it for you (it's hard to do things for yourself when you are depressed).

1. You feel absolutely hopeless and/or worthless.

2. You feel like life is not worth living anymore.

3. You think a lot about dying.

4. You have thoughts of suicide.

5. You have been making plans to end your life.

Ask a family member or friend to stay with you until it is time for your appointment. Make sure you keep the appointment.

When you see your doctor, take a complete listing of all medications and health care preparations you are using for any reason, and any unusual, uncomfortable or painful symptoms.

Self Help Techniques You Can Use to Help Yourself Feel Better

1. Tell a good friend or family member how you feel-ask them if they have some time to listen to you. Tell them not to interrupt with any advice, criticism or judgments. Assure them that you can discuss what to do about the situation after you get done talking, but that just talking with no interruptions will help you feel better.

Your friends and family members may not know what to say. You can tell them to say any of the following:

- I'm sorry you are having such a hard time."

- "What can I do to help?"

- "Tell me how you feel."

- "I'm here to listen."

- "I love you."

- "You are very special to me. I want you to get well."

- "You will feel better. You will get well."

2. Get some exercise. Any movement, even slow movement will help you feel better-- climb the stairs, take a walk, sweep the floor.

3. Spend at least one half hour outdoors every day, even if it is cloudy or rainy.

4. Let as much light into your home or work place as possible--roll up the shades, turn on the lights.

5. Eat healthy food. Avoid sugar, caffeine, alcohol and heavily salted foods. If you don't feel like cooking, ask a family member or friend to cook for you, order take out, or buy a healthy frozen dinner.

6. If you are having lots of negative thoughts or obsessing about difficult issues and hard times, divert your attention away from these thoughts by doing something you really enjoy, something that makes you feel good--like working in your garden, watching a funny video, working on a craft project, playing with a small child or your pet, buying yourself a treat like a new CD or a magazine, reading a good book or watching a ball game.
this articel kaked from: http://www.burnsurvivorsttw.org/articles/fixdepre1.html